“Lessons from the First Year” by Erin Taylor

I recently closed my buildings after my very first year as a professional staff member in residence life. This year was a very eye-opening experience filled with ups, downs, twists, turns, defeats and triumphs. I learned about myself personally and professionally. I gained knowledge about who I am as a supervisor as well as my role as a supervisee. I would like to recount for you my first year and the lessons I learned.

Have a plan, but don’t be incredibly attached to it. My very first day as a Residence Hall Director (a Saturday) was hectic. Not only did I miss Resident Assistant Training, My first day of work was the day my building opened. I was in a new town, seeing new faces, and meeting the people that would call me “boss” for at least the next 8 months. I had no clue what I was doing, so needless to say, I spent a huge part of the day reading the RHD manual and trying to figure out policies and procedures. Luckily, I was in a situation where there was another professional transitioning out of this building to another, so he was there doing most of the check-ins. The following Monday, I was officially the head honcho in this building. That evening I held my first staff meeting. I had 8 faces staring at me to be a leader. As I was coming up with requirements for programming, bulletin boards, and weekly reports, I was met with a good amount of pushback. There were the usual “that’s not the way we did this last year” comments, but there were also a decent amount of “that’s not what we were told during training” remarks. Needless to say, I had a lot of catching up to do.

Many of the dreams I had for my first position included having the perfect staff, being incredibly developmental with them from the start, and having the type of relationship with all of my staff members where they would spend entire afternoons in my office. That did not happen. While my staff was pretty good, I didn’t get the chance to be incredibly developmental with them. I was playing catch-up from day one, and I am just now getting to the point where I am feeling like I am constantly above water. Sometimes my staff would come by, but it was mostly for business-related things instead of just to hang out, which was what I really wanted. My plans for this last year changed dramatically, but that did not stop me from having a successful year.

Make friends outside of your department. This one is strictly a sanity maneuver. And also, I didn’t really learn this in my first position. I figured it out in grad school, and decided to apply to my first position. Working in ResLife, it is really easy to just hang out and associate with other people in your department; you all work together, and in most cases, a good portion of ResLife people live on campus, so it is easy to get together after work. In grad school, I made a conscious effort to make friends with students in my cohort who did not have assistantships in ResLife. While I spent a good amount of time with the other ResLife grads and became good friends with them, a lot of times, we talked about work. Having friends outside of the department allowed me to have a complete break from work, and that notion still applies today.

While I love spending time with my co-workers outside of the office, having a colleague in another department is helpful. It gives me a chance to get off campus, explore the area, and talk about something other than who has had the worst duty calls.

Find something to love. Many times, the first job after grad school is not the dream position. Grads are looking for a job at an institution with relatively good fit that pays actual money, vs. a minimal stipend. Because of this, first jobs can often end up being not the greatest experience. This was not the case for me, but I have talked to many people for whom this was true. If this is the case in your first, or any position, find something to love, anyway. This will keep you from going insane, regretting the experience altogether, or thinking that student affairs is not for you.

Find something to improve on. On a similar note as above, if you the absolute perfect position, find one way to either improve the position (if you can), or a way to challenge and improve yourself as a professional. There are many ways to do this, from getting involved in regional and national organizations, to trying to advise a student organization, teach a class, or even taking a class. Find some way to add to your professional experience outside of having the “perfect” position.

Ask questions! I think one of the things I found most helpful in my first position was the fact I am not afraid to ask questions. If there was anything that I was not 100% sure about, I would be on the phone with my supervisor asking him questions and getting clarification. My entire student staff had been at the school longer than I had, and three of the eight were in their third year as an RA, so they were also a good source of information.

Own up to mistakes. This goes hand in hand with the previous piece of advice. Even when asking questions, I thought I was clear on certain processes, and ended up doing them completely incorrectly. These mistakes (one I am thinking of in particular) made me look incompetent to my staff members, and my coworkers. All I could do was apologize and fix it. And I also made them all cookies.

The first position is a whirlwind. For me, it was another step into this “real world” I have been warned about since grade school. It was an exciting, nerve-wracking, stressful and fun year that I wouldn’t trade for anything. As you head into your first position, your 7th, or simply continue in the position that you are in, remember that your position is what you make of it.

“The Voice: Developing College Women’s Voices through Experience” by Amber Manning

I recently completed coursework for my Ph.D. in Educational Administration and was inspired for this post by the pilot study I completed for a class. To give you a brief synopsis of the pilot study and topic, my research examines how first-year college women understand their casual sex experiences. I specifically want to understand how these women make meaning of their encounters and use feminist theory as an overarching theoretical framework. In addition, women’s cognitive development (the development of women’s voice) influences my analysis and how I understand my participant’s narratives. Sounds so simple, right?

I can’t help but think about the ways in which women develop their voice on a college campus. I interact with some of the most amazing females and I am honored to call them my colleagues, peers, and mentees. I often reflect on my experiences as an undergraduate and wish I could have the knowledge I have now. I think there is great importance in understanding how college women make meaning, specifically to understand how they construct reality and their voice in male dominated environments.

When first-year women come to college, their lives are completely derived from familial experiences, media influence, and peer interactions. Belenky, Clinchy, Goldberger, and Tarule, (1986) examine how women’s voice develops through adolescence to adulthood in the book Women’s Ways of Knowing. Prior to college and even in the first and second year, women ground experiences in received knowledge, or in other words, women create their own meaning and dialogue of experiences from other individuals or entities in their lives. During adolescence, many stereotypes have not been challenged, many oppressive acts have not been tested, and societal influence creates a strong reality for many people.

Think about your own development and how you may have constructed meaning of experiences prior to your higher education experience. For example, I always understood sexual assault as something that women were responsible in changing by the way they behaved. My post-secondary education helped change and transform this societal representation of victim blaming and shaming. Women’s studies classes increased my awareness of including men in sexual assault conversations and how they can change their language and behaviors. My education has forever changed me and allowed me to label my experiences and work as an advocate to help others. I say this because if I call myself a feminist or activist, I have an obligation to educate and act as an ally for others.

As I have written how women develop voice in terms of social experiences, I transfer this concept to their academic and personal experiences as well. As a student affairs professional, educator, and mentor, I find that if I can understand how women “think”, it is easier to educate and increase their confidence in their collegiate experiences. I challenge you to think about the women you supervise, teach, or work with at your institutions. Have you thought about how you talk to them? Have you thought about how they understand their experiences and how they derive meaning? Do you feel like they reflect on their experiences in the most effective way?

I find self-fulfillment in working with students and seeing the ways they grow and develop over a semester and each year. To be responsible and ethical practitioners, I believe we must ground our work in theory and help students to use their full potential. What I may have not known as a first-year female or what I was unable to label in my experience, I know how to construct meaning of now. I understand the saying “if I only knew what I know now” because I recall my silence as an adolescent female and the pain it caused me. I hope to supply college females with the resources necessary to become cognizant of women’s issues earlier than I was in order to make better meaning and informed choices in their lives. As a professional, do you agree? What role do you see yourself in when working with female college students?

I offer you some suggestions in maximizing the female college student experience in many capacities (i.e. teaching, supervising, mentoring, or just acting as an ally).

Ways to enhance work with first year college women:

1. Point out strengths through positive reinforcement. Students need to hear what they are good at; it’s how they understand their skill strengths and competencies in a particular field.

2. Give them voice in decision-making. Let women be involved in task management, problem-solving, and creation of projects. The more you elicit their ideas and feedback, the more they develop stronger opinions and experiences.

3. Emphasize the importance of the mentor relationship. No one said that women can only learn from women. My first mentor was a male and he helped to develop my skills and find passion in my work. Women can find confidence when they have a strong mentor to process and reflect their experiences.

4. Create opportunities for reflection on past experiences. College is a new experience with new knowledge and solidification of new values and beliefs. Helping women understand and connect their education to their prior experience creates stronger identity development.

5. Envision college women as our future. The college female you work with is the face of our future and you could potentially impact her life in a wonderful way. Get involved in listening to her goals and plans. Be supportive and check-in with her often.

6. Stress the importance of self-care. Help college women to understand that their needs should be put first, because if you don’t take care of yourself, no one will do it for you. Women have many obligations and if you want to be Wonder Woman, make sure you are taking care of yourself in the process.

7. Don’t be afraid to say the F-word. If you identify as a Feminist, say it, show it, and discuss what it means to you with other women. Creating a larger network of women who identify as Feminists only builds a larger network for our future.

References:
Belenky, M.F, Clinchy, B.M., Goldberger, J.R. and Tarule, J.M. (1986). Women’s Ways of
Knowing. Basic Books: New York, NY.

“Lessons for Arthur” by Feminist Friday guest blogger Sean C. Kinsella

I was incredibly fortunate to have had lunch this past Saturday with five of the most important people in my life. Five people who represent most of my family; my wife, sister, mother, father, and nine month old nephew, Arthur.

Why this lunch is so special is that my sister and nephew normally reside in Nepal, and are here only for a few months visiting before they move to Sri Lanka for three years. This was her first mother’s day as a new mom.

Since Arthur has arrived, my wife Kate and I have talked a lot about what we think he will be like when he gets older.

Will his personality be more like his father, or his mother, or perhaps an interesting hybrid of both?
Who will be the most important people in his life?
Who will he celebrate Mother’s Day with in thirty years?
What will he do with his life?

We were very blessed to be in the hospital with my sister when Arthur arrived to this world, and were even able to hold him soon after he made his delayed entrance. From that day forward I was, and am, “Uncle Cubby,” and the person that I am will have an impact on how this new little life is formed.

A few weeks ago, I read an article by Jeff Perara on gender (http://higherunlearning.wordpress.com/2012/05/02/understanding-boys-understanding-girls/) and it struck a chord with me, especially when considering what kind of world my new nephew will grow up in. As I read the article a new question about how Arthur would grow formed. How will he treat others in his life?

Perara works with the White Ribbon campaign and does presentations with boys and girls from Grades 4-8 talking about how society creates the ideas around gender and how that impacts both girls and boys and the adults they become. He has also participated in TEDxRyerson with a presentation on the power of words and was the founder of the Ryerson White Ribbon Campaign. His presentation can be found at the following link; http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=-VBlQJFe_Ik

We are constantly bombarded by images and adverts that tell us what is attractive, and encourage us to fit into the narrowly defined boxes of gender that are reinforced. If we do not see something that represents us, we feel excluded.

But do we have a choice in this?

Over the last two years I have had the opportunity to connect more with my Aboriginal ancestry and begin to learn about the culture. The discovery that has touched me most deeply is the traditional view of women in many Aboriginal societies. As I have been taught by my Elders, in Aboriginal society women have a place of great respect and are equal to men, sacred for their capacity to create life, and their connection to the water and the moon. The teaching of respect also begins before we are born, learning how to walk in a good way from the rhythm of our mother’s heartbeat. In this way, we are all gifted with respect.
Women traditionally chose the chiefs of tribes, or ogimaa, and selected roles for the people to fulfil as adults, as the women were the ones who had watched the children around them grow and knew what their gifts were. However, this reality was challenged, as the European view of women is historically very different, and those that came refused to deal with women as leaders, hence why we have the male idea of the “Indian chief” in our cultural subconscious.

Still, it means that there is another way to be. That we begin with respect imbedded in us before we are born. As I think of the world in which Arthur and his generation will inherit, and the seven generations beyond him, this kind of discrimination is not something I want them to experience.
From this, there are three lessons that I take with me that I hope I will be able to impart to Arthur:

1. All that is learned can be unlearned.
Despite the messages that dominant society throws at us, we have a choice to believe in what we choose to, and a responsibility to question all of the views that are thrown at us. To me, this is the key idea of “unlearn” as a movement and a way of living. “Unlearn,” as per their website, is defined by Steve D’Amico as, “A process of removing barriers that blind us to our authentic selves, questioning our classical conditioning, deconstructing and re-ordering our identities, identifying and discarding negative values, repeatedly focusing awareness towards one’s state of being.” (http://www.unlearn.com/learn_aboutus.htm )This is something I will encourage in my nephew.

2. It starts with awareness.
The only way that we can change is to be aware of the way we are, and choose to be different. Understanding how our own actions affect other people and how our words speak to them will help us to understand the dramatic consequences that we have on others and to begin to choose them more gently and carefully. These interactions with others also make us face where our own attitudes come from, as differing viewpoints and perspectives show us other ways of being. It is my hope to expose Arthur to many different viewpoints and ways of thinking from a variety of people.

3. The role of women in our society is everyone’s concern.
Being concerned by how all people in society are treated is the responsibility of everyone. It can be easy to say that because I am not a woman, I should not be concerned about their status in our society, but this is not true. Everyone has a stake in the way we treat others. The way that I treat my wife, my mother, my sister and all the people around me reinforce what behaviours are acceptable to our little ones and what we will allow others to do to us and society at large. If it is with respect, and in a good way, then that will become the norm.

I know I will, to the best of my ability, respect and love everything around me, and in doing so, teach my nephew to do so as well. That is what I promise as his Uncle, and what I can do as an ally to women everywhere.

My final question is for you dearest reader.
Who are you teaching in your life how to be?

Sean C. Kinsella
Community Development Coordinator, University of Toronto Mississauga
Connect with me!
sean.kinsella@utoronto.ca
Twitter: @SeeSeanTweet

“3 Truths I learned in my 20’s and Applied in my 30’s” by Jen Gonzales

I love celebrating my birthday. I see birthdays as an opportunity to reflect on the events of the past year and a chance to assess where to powerfully take the next year of life. You might imagine the surprise among those closest to me when on the eve of turning 30, I expressed self criticism, worry, anxiety and a lack of passion for celebrating my big day.

As I pondered my lack of enthusiasm, I realized I had learned a lot in my 29 years. I decided to actively apply these lessons to my new decade of existence. My overall goal remained the same: to look back on my 31st birthday and say- “Wow, what an amazing year”!

Here are 3 truths I learned in my 20’s and applied in my 30’s:

1. Accept that Balance is a Myth, Strive for Joy: After years of feeling guilty for my inability to achieve true balance in life, I have finally let go of the expectation of having it together in every area of my life at all times. Instead, I have lived the last year asking myself the question: “What could you do right now that would bring you joy?” The answer to this question is different as I focus on immediate, mid-term, and long-term fulfillment, but posing this question has allowed for many visions to come together powerfully into one space: the present. I have shifted from spreading myself thin to passionately getting what is most important done. My productivity at work has increased, my relationship with my friends and family have deepened and I walk about feeling proud and confident in my ability to make it happen. For a daily dose of inspiration watch Danielle LaPorte’s “A Credo for Making it Happen” http://www.daniellelaporte.com/

2. Hire Your Own Success Team: Many of us work with the purpose of helping our students and colleagues achieve their fullest potential. I spent countless hours in my 20’s coaching and supporting the growth of others, at times at the expense of my own well being. In my late 20’s I decided to invest in my own professional success team. Every January since, I begin the new year with a self development course or activity. I started by doing sessions with a life coach and followed with courses on meditation, yoga, voice lessons, and an active ongoing relationship with a naturopath and a massage therapist. I learned to outsource tasks (such as taxes!) to leave more time for activities that bring me joy. Just as we are experts in education, there are professionals in other industries waiting to help you be the best you- use them! My exemplary health resource: www.joyoushealth.ca

3. Affirmations are Key: Not getting the job, the 2nd date, or still carrying around those extra 10 pounds, I have set countless goals or strived for several opportunities where I have been unsuccessful. In my 20’s I often let my mind wander to dark self-critical spaces where I focused entirely on what was lacking and what was “wrong” in an attempt to “fix” myself. I was introduced to affirmations by the author Louise Hay in my late 20’s. Affirmations are positive statements made in the present tense that are particularly useful for replacing repeating negative thoughts we say to ourselves, about ourselves. For example, in response to peak times of stress at work I often found myself saying “I am so busy and there is just not enough time.“ This past year I would recognize this thought as it came, and replaced it with “Everything I touch is a success.” or “I manage my time efficiently and powerfully.” Some of my other favourite affirmations include “Life is simple and easy” and “My life works beautifully.”

Recently, I have begun to state my affirmations after the phrase, “I am”. This allows for you to define yourself in a way that tricks your brain into believing whatever you say is already true! Try replacing “I want a new job” with “I am gainfully employed in a job that I am truly passionate about” and see how you feel! I repeat my affirmations first thing in the morning as I set my intention for the day and again in the evening after I capture 5 things I am grateful for in my journal. While I knew of this tool in my 20’s, consistent practice and commitment has been made all the difference this year. Setting aside time and having the discipline to start and end my day in this space has made all the difference! Louise Hay offers a daily affirmation at: http://www.louisehay.com/affirmations/

In actively applying the following lessons, I am happy to report I DID just have the best year of my life! As I look out onto 31, I am so excited to experience joy, fulfillment and further growth. The best is surely yet to come!

Jen Gonzales, Residence Life and Education Coordinator, Ryerson University, Toronto, Canada
Incoming President of the Ontario Association of College and University Housing Officials (OACUHO)
Connect with me at: @jengonzales8

“Pace and Perspective: Lessons Learned on the Go” by Robyn Kaplan

Spring in Student Affairs… we all have a definition of what that means. Regardless of your role or institution your calendar is more than likely filled with preparations for banquets, transitions, year-end reports, and summer projects. It is an extremely busy time and if you’re anything like me, sometimes the hectic environment does not stay at the office. Let me explain…

Living in Queens, New York, or mini-Manhattan as some like to refer to it, I have a reverse commute into Long Island where I work at Hofstra University. Honestly, the commute is a welcome change to my 5+ years of living on-campus at the previous institutions for which I’ve worked. Albeit, simply walking home at 10pm after a long night was easier than the 45-minute commute home; but it has been a welcomed separation for me. Although enjoyable however, the commute doesn’t come without frustration.

If any of you have ever braved the NYC highways (or any congested city thruway at rush hour), you can imagine how the combination of aggressive drivers and congested traffic can add to the chaotic cloud that develops above us this time of year. I’ve gotten used to the constant stop and go that I experience for about half of my commute, and have begun to laugh at how unlikely my luck has been when my lane speeds up right at the moment where I decide to switch into the lane that appears to be going faster! (This never fails). However, it’s the attitude and aggression of other drivers that brings me anxiety. I wonder is it a New York quality to cut in front of other drivers in bumper-to-bumper traffic, or even worse when you are trying to merge onto a highway? Or is it a New York thing to let it bother you?

While driving to work the other day, I had a car swerve into my lane almost side swiping me. The driver of the car beeped, sped up and cut me off as I was merging onto the Grand Central Parkway at rush hour. Relieved that we were ok, I found myself beeping at the car at which point the man stuck his arm out his window and waved at me, a gesture that infuriated me, assuming that it was some way of disregarding my reaction and telling me to relax. I just shook my head in disbelief at the recklessness of the man driving.

When traffic stopped for a second, the man actually opened his door…

Immediately out of instinct, I locked my doors – with a million ideas flowing through my mind of what he could do. It turns out I couldn’t have been more wrong with my assumptions. The man got out of his vehicle, put his hand over his heart and mouthed, “I’m so sorry! I’m sorry.” My look of fury immediately turned to remorse as I smiled at the man and found myself nodding in a gesture to imply, “No worries, have a good day.” He then put his hands together in a thankful gesture, and got back in his car and continued on his way.

This stuck with me for the rest of my day… Why do we always jump to the negative? Why do we tend to see the bad and reckless in others before we notice the honesty and remorse for a mistake? We assume that when something happens, it had to be intentional, or they had to be inconsiderate. Think about walking in a crowded place and having someone bump into you without apologizing. The natural response may be a roll of the eyes or a frustrated response, but how often do we put ourselves in that person’s shoes? We teach it to our students all the time. Mediate conflict by first learning where the other person is coming from. Own when you make a mistake. Be the bigger person. However, when we’re beyond the pearly gates of a community of higher learning, and we’re just one of the crowd in a busy city or a congested community, do we practice what we preach or do we automatically assume the worst in people’s intentions?

This man, who could have caused an accident but was big enough to apologize rather than disregard, taught me something that day. He taught me that sometimes, we look for the bad in people because we’re too hurried and frustrated to imagine the good and acknowledge a mistake. What if he had a pregnant wife in the car and he was racing to get to the hospital? I had visions of him getting out of the car to curse me out and scream incessantly at me for beeping at him to the point where I felt the need to lock my doors for safety! When all along this man had intentions of simply ensuring that I knew he was sorry. He didn’t wave out the window to taunt me, but rather to express sympathy to me. Can we not equate this to so much more?

There are opportunities every day to assume the negative and overlook mistakes for mal-intentions. There are also opportunities every day to apologize for honest mistakes, and even be the person willing to offer forgiveness. Mistakes and misunderstandings usually involve more than one person. So do resolutions and closure. We’re all going fast through this time of the year, but when was the last time you slowed down for long enough to look around and wonder about the day someone else was having?

Connect with me: @rkaplan13
Robyn Kaplan, Associate Director for Student Leadership & Activities, Hofstra University.

The Importance of Compassion: On How I Came to Do Me(n’s) Work by Feminist Friday Guest Blogger, Eric Mata

I recently gave a TEDx talk which was hosted by some students at DePaul University. It had been fascinated by TED talks for quite some time and had often wondered what I would talk about. So when the ask came, I spent a lot of time pondering different ideas. TED talks are supposed to be ideas that are worth spreading.

Ideas worth spreading. I spent some time reflecting on this. In fact, I almost spent too much time and finished my notes for the talk just two days beforehand!

I knew early on that I wanted my talk to be called Against Me(n). The “staging” of the title is intentional. The talk would have to be about my own personal journey around understanding gender and hegemonic masculinity and a call to action for those in the audience. This post is a modified version of that talk with an alternate ending.

The journey started for me as an undergraduate student. I had gone to a historically white institution about 3 hours from home and one of the spaces I found refuge from the whiteness was with other students of color. A group of four women regularly hosted dinners at the house they rented off campus.

At one of those dinners during my sophomore year, my life changed completely. It didn’t change it that “I became a completely new person, kind of way, but rather in the “I just got a new eyeglass prescription” kind of way. That night, I was given a new set of glasses from which to see the world that I lived in.

I was sitting at the kitchen table with three other people playing spades. There were others in the living room watching TV and a handful of women in the kitchen finishing dinner. At some point, one of the women who lived there announced that the food was ready.

I sat there. I picked up the cards and put them away as people started to get up around me. At that point, one of the women who lived there, Donney, came up to me and whispered the following: “I don’t know what they do in your house, but in mine, if you’re hungry you get your own food.”

I went through a bevy of emotions ranging from confusion to anger. I was insulted. But I looked up to Donney. She had been a mentor to me from the time I set foot on campus. So I didn’t say any of the things that were going on in my head. All I could bring myself to say was that I was waiting for the line to die down.

Later that week, while hanging out in the student government office, Donney asked me if we could talk about that night. I didn’t want to. I didn’t think there was anything to talk about but I respected her. It was common knowledge that if Donney wanted to talk to you that you didn’t say no. She was that important to us.

We talked for a long time that day and spent the rest of the year in conversation about the context of that night. She asked me questions about my family, about relationships. She made me think, a lot.

The new prescription she had provided allowed me to begin to see things differently. I began to see the ways in which patriarchy dominated the way that I lived, the way I acted, the values I carried and the beliefs that I held. Donney helped move me to a place where I could begin to understand myself as a man differently.

Donney had compassion. That compassion allowed her to be brutally honest with those around her, with me. She helped me understand that the ways in which I had been taught to be a man were detrimental and hurtful to the women that I love. My journey started because of the love I had for the women around me.

It’s been 17 years since that night. I still have a long way to go to become the man that I aspire to be. I don’t know if I’ll ever get there, but I know that along the way, there were countless women who had the same type of compassion for me to help move me forward. Some were colleagues, some are friends and all are women that I admire. These are just a few of them: Jena Olson, Laura Klunder, Tessa Lowinske Desmond, Toni Johns, Faustina Bohling and my wife and partner, Mariana Sanabria.

Within the last 6 years, I began to see that as long as my entry into this work around gender was because of the women around me, I would never be fully in it. It was women, like those above that helped me understand that my passion for the work had to come from inside. The desire had to be rooted in the idea that hegemonic masculinity was hurting me too.

At the beginning of this year, I added a section of my staff agenda called “Eric’s Reflection”. The agenda underneath that agenda item was to share reflections on my experiences as a man. The response was not what I expected.

What was meant to be a closing thought became a longer discussion with my students pining for time in the conversation. Rather than be excited to get out early, they would talk almost endlessly about their experiences. We haven’t ended a staff meeting early unless I needed to get to another meeting.

All I did was create space by being open with my own reflections on fear, relationships, manhood, current events, etc. This was all they needed in order to open up about their lives.

This is the same thing that Donney did for me. She created space for me to share, to explore, to question. And she did this because of the compassion she had for me as a person. I talk to Donney from time to time. She comes to Chicago to visit her sorority sisters and I happen to be married to one of them. We don’t often talk about that night, but she definitely knows the impact that she continues to have on me in my personal and professional life.

“The Day I Wore Jeans to Work” by Amy Jorgensen

I believe that “you dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Personal branding has been an increasingly popular topic over the past couple of years. We are encouraged to be aware of how we are marketing ourselves through our communication efforts, web presence, and physical appearance – and how these factors can help dictate future success.

The physical appearance factor has been controversial in student affairs as we debate the importance of professionalism and personal branding verses creating a more inviting and less intimidating environment for our student population. Where do I stand? Well, I wear conservative suits and professional dresses to the office. Every day. Believe it or not, I enjoy dressing professionally for work. I am more confident in a tailored suit than in casual clothing and I feel that I’m treated with more respect and taken more seriously by others. I have found this to be true in both work and personal situations. For better or worse, people have treated me differently when I’m dressed better – aka the “Pretty Woman” effect. If you haven’t seen the 1990 film “Pretty Woman”, move it to the top of your Netflix cue, and then call me to schedule a date to also see “The Breakfast Club”, “Sixteen Candles”, and “Splash” and catch up on some serious movie awesomeness.

So, I like to dress professionally. But I have been increasingly curious about the other side of the argument. What would it be like if I came to work dressed down for a change? Would I be able to relate to students better? Could I still feel confident and would I be treated with respect by peers if I was wearing… dare I say… Jeans? Like many others across the country, our department allows staff to dress casually on Fridays. Many of my peers enjoy dressing down as the weekend nears – and I decided to see what it was all about. I got approval from my supervisor after I explained my idea to test the personal branding theory about physical appearance – and started to prepare myself for the upcoming Friday.

The Day I Wore Jeans To Work I have never taken this much time getting ready for work in the morning. I agonized over which shirt to wear. I tried on seven different pairs of shoes. Can I wear pearls with jeans? Hair up or down? It was a mess.

Eventually, I settled on a university polo shirt and loafers. This was as casual as I could get without being incredibly uncomfortable. And speaking of uncomfortable – jeans are not comfortable. At least mine aren’t. My jeans are hot and heavy and are a stark contrast from the light and soft business clothes that I’m normally wearing. Despite this, I made my way to work deciding that I wasn’t going to let on that I felt very much out of my element.

People were very surprised. I decided to hand out donuts as an excuse to get out of my office and greet others to gauge their reactions. I’ve done this numerous times, so it wasn’t too much of an anomaly. The reactions were… interesting. Women in the office were incredibly friendly, and I even received the comment, “Good for you!” I was starting to think that maybe I’m more intimidating and less approachable in a suit – the exact opposite of what I want! I continued on my donut/good morning rounds —receiving a few positive comments from women along the way – but then again, I find that women are more likely to comment on physical appearance then men. There were a couple of people that didn’t notice that there was anything different about me, which was also surprising. I was hoping this meant I was doing a good job of appearing comfortable in my new attire.

My day went on as usual. I completed some administrative tasks in my office, collaborated with my staff, and went to a couple of meetings. Peers were friendly and professional (I work at the best place in the world!) – but I couldn’t get over how uncomfortable I was. I felt incredibly awkward conversing with the Associate Vice President even though he was kind and supportive, as always.

This reminded me of another day I had come to work dressed a bit more casually. I had been plugging away at a big project the night before, and decided to opt for dress khakis and a button down dress shirt one particular Friday. Worst. Decision. Ever. I was still dressed appropriately in business casual attire, but was mortified when I realized that I had an upcoming afternoon event with the University President. He was welcoming and kind as always – but I felt like a slob. I’m standing in a group of powerful men in suits and felt like I didn’t belong. I hope to be one of these strong and confident leaders in suits one day – and this reinforced that I needed to always dress the part.

The biggest shocker was how students reacted to my attire: they didn’t. In my experience, students did not treat me differently or act any differently based on how I was dressed. Student staff were still respectful and appreciative for the donut break while they were diligently working away and students entering our office still smiled and went about their business as usual. I was given the opportunity to help a student that had some prospective roommate challenges. Granted, I had never met her before, but she acted the same as other students that I’ve helped when I was dressed professionally.

One of my favorite responsibilities is traveling with the university admissions team to help recruit outstanding accepted students. I love being able to answer their questions and find out how they feel about going off to college. I’m able to connect and build relationships with these prospective students – all in professional business attire. This led me to believe that as long as your communication is inviting and positive – students can connect with you despite what you’re wearing. And as a bonus, I find that the parents trust me more when I’m dressed professionally. Our customers come to us for help, and we need to execute a positive and trustworthy appearance at all times. Not only is our personal brand at stake, our departmental and university’s reputation relies on these positive customer interactions.

Overall, my office day in jeans was fine. I went to work, completed tasks, and went home safely. It was an interesting experience, but I don’t think I will be wearing jeans to the office again. I think more casual clothing can be worn, as long as you look polished and professional. So, wear what makes you comfortable and confident – for me, I’m going back to my business attire.

Connect with Amy on Twitter: @AmyLJorgensen

“Earning Your Cutie Mark” by Feminist Friday Guest Blogger, Matthew Musgrave

Okay, so before I introduce myself or go any further with this blog, it’s time I confess something – I’m a brony. Yes, I am a 29 year-old man who is a fan of the television series My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Usually when I talk about this, I get a lot of strange looks from students and other student affairs professionals alike. But I feel like here in the WISA community, I can talk about that without fear of it being “anti-masculine.” Not that I’m typically worried about that…

For those who aren’t familiar with the term, “brony” is a portmanteau of the words “bro” and “pony.” If you’re familiar with the brony community, you know that most of the individuals who identify as such are the furthest things from your stereotypical “bro” – the hyper-masculine, beer-drinking, overly-competitive guy who is usually afraid of being perceived as feminine in any way. Which is why the brony community seems so much like home to me. I can enjoy a show, which has a target demographic of girls ages 5-13 without being judged for it. Lauren Faust, who created the show, is also part of the team that brought us The Powerpuff Girls, possibly one of the most powerful pro-feminist cartoons of the Millennial generation. Frankly, I feel there are many lessons taught by the show that, while rudimentary in nature, could benefit so many of the students we work with – which is probably why this show has a growing demographic of college-age students, both male and female (as evidenced by the club that I advise at my institution devoted solely to the watching of this show). You see, the basis of the show begins with Twilight Sparkle, who spends all of her time studying magic, being sent to Ponyville to study lessons on “the magic of friendship.” Some of the lessons they teach include: not judging individuals based solely on appearance, accepting help when tasks are too daunting for you to take on by yourself, finding your inner strength, and (in one of my favorite episodes) the fact that even though someone may be feminine, it doesn’t make them weak. Which leads me to my “friendship lesson.”

Several episodes throughout the series are devoted to “The Cutie Mark Crusaders.” These are three younger ponies without any “Cutie Mark” (a play on the term “beauty mark”) on their flanks. Older ponies have cutie marks that display some unique aspect of their personality. Twilight Sparkle’s cutie mark is a star to symbolize her gift of magic. Another character, Fluttershy, has the special ability to communicate with animals, demonstrated by her cutie mark of three butterflies. My favorite pony, Pinkie Pie, loves to laugh and have a good time, and her cutie mark is symbolized with three balloons (for the parties she loves to throw for her friends). The Cutie Mark Crusaders, on the other hand, have yet to discover their special talent and they embark on a number of adventures in order to try to discover what makes them unique as ponies. Many of their adventures are outlandish in nature, from mountain climbing to zip-lining to scuba diving (can you imagine a pony in scuba gear and flippers?). Even their more mundane attempts, like papier-mâché or making taffy, leads to no success in causing their cutie marks to magically appear. In one episode, Twilight Sparkle gives the Cutie Mark Crusaders the important advice to earn their cutie marks in areas they already enjoy. In fact, this episode shows that they already have talents in certain areas (although they still don’t discover this lesson in the end of the episode).

I found that this lesson hit pretty close to home. Throughout my graduate assistantship as well as my first few years as a new professional, I (like many of us) tried to learn several new skills in order to find my true calling as a student affairs professional, with only limited success. It wasn’t until I found my calling – which, oddly enough, was to help students and staff find their calling, that I realized what gave me the most joy and purpose in my professional work.

Now, far be it for me to say that you shouldn’t try new things and gain a breadth of experience in your work. In fact, I’ve found that you learn a lot about what gives you that sense of satisfaction by pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and trying something unfamiliar – many mentors have told me that you learn the most about what you want out of a work environment by discovering through experience what you don’t want out of that environment. In fact, in the episode where we first meet the Cutie Mark Crusaders, one of the lessons is that discovering who we are is part of the adventure – that we have near-limitless opportunities to figure it out, and that we shouldn’t rush a process like this that takes time.

However, if we find that calling – something we really enjoy, we shouldn’t let our fears push it to the side in favor of trying out things that we know won’t give us nearly the same thrill. Maybe it’s something you did a few years ago that possibly even inspired you to enter the field of higher education in the first place. If you haven’t earned your cutie mark yet, the time will come soon enough. If you have discovered it, and you find that it’s not a good fit for the work that you do on a daily basis, ask yourself if there’s a way to incorporate that into your current position. As a residence life professional, I wouldn’t normally have the opportunity to help individuals become better professionals unless I looked beyond the job description to take on those professional development opportunities. Now, whenever I meet with students for issues that aren’t typically pleasant, I try to find out where their career passions are and what steps they can take to get into a path that gives them the most satisfaction, including offering to help them with their resumes and cover letters. I also have taken on the role of assisting my supervisors with planning professional development and training. And of course, there’s the pleasure of learning how to help my fellow professionals through sharing advice through social media like this. But if you don’t have that possibility, maybe it’s time for a change in scenery.

So what’s the story behind your cutie mark? If you could provide a picture to your professional passion, what would it look like? Is there a story to how you earned it? I would love to hear some of these stories, even if you’re still in the quest to earn your cutie mark.

“Reflections for the Future” by Kristen Rothfeld

Reflection can be a constructive tool in finding lessons learned from positive and negative professional experiences. No matter the situation, there is always some kind of take away, a snippet of wisdom to be used in future events. I received a journal from a good friend on the day the on-campus interview that led to the job offer for the position I am currently employed. Since receiving the journal, I have tried to write at least once a week. The entries originally started as sentences and paragraphs with a purpose and meaning. As time goes on and life gets busy, sometimes the entries are bullet points, usually dripping in sarcasm with a positive twist if applicable. Most of the entries are reflective upon lessons learned, realizations of growth, and weekly reminders of why I entered this field. As I prepared to write this post, I started reflecting upon what has occurred to make me into the person I am today.

I am a fighter. When I was an undergraduate student, things came fairly easy to me. I had to study to get good grades, but when I had the time to focus, I always did well. Job interviews and offers came after one interview. Responsibility in those positions grew as I showed my potential. It was the responsibility that came with two positions within in undergraduate admissions that made me realize the field of business was not for me. I was meant to go into Higher Education. This is where the fighter in me started showing her true self. I applied to two schools and got into both programs. I interviewed for graduate assistantships, but the phone never rang. So I made a decision, took out student loans, and moved to Northeast Ohio. There were stumbles along the way, but with hard work, networking, and my positive attitude, I managed to complete graduate school and walk away with four different internship experiences. Those two years were not always fun, but the takeaways made the long road worth it and made me a stronger, more assertive person.

One important takeaway from all of my work experience includes:
“Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training.” –Anna Freud

As a part of my reflections, I have come to realize that training is not always a mandatory item. Thinking of past positions, starting as a student employee and moving into graduate and professional level positions, I have come to recognize the number of times when jumping in and learning to swim came naturally with the job. It does not matter if you agree with me, but I have found that having to feel for yourself what a position involves has made me a stronger person and professional. Different jobs have required different types of personal training, ranging from researching a new campus in order to give a successful campus tour to learning what expectations are and going above and beyond to show my dedication to the institution and my position. I have taken time to get to know my coworkers in my department and around the institution. The information I have learned from these individuals at my time at each institution has impacted my training in a positive way. By taking the time to reach out to other professionals, I have gained valuable information about the institution and taken the time to network and meet others. I have always been the type of person who looks for the positive in most situations. This attitude has taken me far and I think that has been the greatest help in my training and development at various institutions.

It was by accident that I started my student position in graduate school when I did. We were preparing for the kickoff to the Centennial Campaign for the university’s centennial celebration. I went a whole month and a half without doing any portion of my job description. It was this experience that furthered my event planning background and experience, something that would come in handy a few years down the line. It was because of my positive attitude and my willingness to spend eight (plus) hours in a dirty basement doing a quality control check on 100 Facts about Kent State books, that I showed my flexibility and was allowed to assist with other details of event planning for the rest of my time in the position. It was through my internship at Baldwin-Wallace College that I learned the importance of balancing multiple projects. At one time, I had three different projects I was focusing on; all of them included lots of detail work, necessary for the projects to be successful. Both experiences have paid for themselves in full in relation to projects and adventures I have had in my current position.

If you would have told me a year ago that I would be in a position where I would step up to the adventures of social media, recruiting, and large scale event planning-I would have told you that you were crazy. Reflecting upon what has occurred in the last four months and how I have become a better professional, co-worker, friend, daughter, and woman, even I cannot believe the transition that has occurred. I have learned so much in such a short period of time from everyone I have met. I have made the return to past jobs and also realized how far I have come. “There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” Nelson Mandela

Take some time every week (every day if possible) for reflection. The lessons learned are definitely worth the time taken.

“Building Bridges” by Gage E. Paine

“I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed, Sojourner Truth was a bridge, Harriet Tubman was a bridge, Ida B. Wells was a bridge, Madame C. J. Walker was a bridge, Fannie Lou Hamer was a bridge.” -Oprah Winfrey

We often warn against burning our bridges, but sometimes I think we can forget how important it is to build those bridges in the first place. Bridges help us get from where we are now to some other place in our future. Bridges help us get across difficulties. Sometimes those difficulties are rapidly flowing rivers or deep ravines, but sometimes those difficulties are resource issues, rules or practices, or the ‘silos’ we build in our organizations. Bridges are ways across those barriers to the implementation of new practices. Bridges are connections that help us share resources whether those resources are dollars or ideas. Building bridges – developing relationships, creating processes, finding new ways to follow the rules or new rules to follow – this is leadership.

Last year, I gave a couple of speeches on this idea of bridge building as an essential part of our work. To quote Ralph Ellison, “[e]ducation is all a matter of building bridges.” For us as educators, understanding the work of building bridges is an essential skill. If you Google the phrase ‘how to build a bridge’ you find many websites that will help you build bridges out of a wide variety of materials, including spaghetti! But one website I found was very useful both for building an actual bridge and metaphorical bridges. (The citation is at the bottom.) It had important reminders such as “…you do not see bridges going up overnight and it takes a skilled engineer to master this craft. Bridges can take months, possibly years to build.” This is true in organizations as well. It takes time and skill (we call it leadership) to develop the complex bridges needed to make organizations run well. Short-changing this process causes problems down the road in both literal and metaphorical bridges. In relationship (bridge) building we have to pay attention to the details.

According to the bridge building website, “[o]ne of the last steps, probably the most important, would be to pave the bridge.” Our organizational bridges need to be usable by many people for many purposes. Like the Oprah Winfrey quote above, part of our work as leaders in higher education is to create bridges that others may use. This June 1st, it will be 30 years since I started my first full-time job in Student Affairs. As I look back over that time period, it is very clear to me that my success is due in large part to the bridges others built. Not only did they build bridges that have stood the test of time and stormy weather, they showed me the way over them time and time again. The people who have supported, taught, and given me direction range from supervisors to those I supervised, peers, colleagues, students, good friends and folks I found difficult to work with. Some relationships were short term and some have spanned decades, some were campus-based and others range across the country. All of them have served as bridges to the place I find myself today.

I find I often think of bridges as massive structures and, of course, bridges such as the Golden Gate Bridge and the Brooklyn Bridge certainly are massive. But in my searching for facts about bridges, I realized how narrow my mental images were. Rickety bridges, light and airy-looking bridges, stodgy or fanciful, they are completely individual, a mix of the situation and the designer’s response to that space and time. The bridges we build have to be just as flexible in design and we have to be as creative in finding ways to develop them and then to maintain them. I live in San Antonio where it rarely snows. Mostly, when it is that cold and wet we get ice and all of the bridges in the vicinity are immediately closed though often the surface roads are still open. And then we realize just how many bridges we use every day without even being aware of it. We realize how difficult it is to do a day’s ordinary business without access to our bridges. We understand that we take these important connections for granted. They took time and expertise to build and they take time and attention to keep them sturdy and useful for everyone who benefits from their existence.

So I encourage you to think some about bridges and relationships. Where do you need to be building a bridge today? Are there any bridges that need some time and attention? Are there some colleagues or students who need some help crossing a bridge you have built? I look forward to hearing your stories in the comments.

Quotes from
• monsterguide.net/how-to-build-a bridge
• thinkexist.com